Blog #9: The day started with a morning rush

The day started with a morning rush. I was balancing 12 tables and the bar while also noting being able to shake thing feeling that things were different. Nothing looked or sounded different but everything felt different. Everyone in the town seemed more content than they had been since Mr. Evans death. This all seemed strange given the events of the morning which no one seemed to be able to stop talking about. The death of Edgar Maitland, the reappearance of Ether, and how this all connected to Mr. Evans where all boring to me now. All I could think of were to possibilities I had. My art degree that I could start using, reconnecting with my parents, and the thought of seeing Marshall again were all I wanted to worry about. I was thinking of calling him, maybe asking him to lunch. I wasn't sure if he even wanted to talk to me.

Just as I closed out my last table ans bagn walkign towards the door I was confronted with a Familiar face. Marshall stared at me open mouthed.

“It’s been a while,” he finally murmured. “How have you been?”

“Good.” I said, not fully sure that this was real.

“Hey, I know we weren’t on the best note last time we talked, but I’d love to catch up!” I was a bit taken aback but I couldn't help but ask

“Do you mean, like a date?” I inquired

"No no no no, not yet," he paused for a moment, "Unless of course that's what you wanted?"

I gave him a look

“Just Lunch then.”

“That sounds good to me.” I smiled. He walked me to the curb and he told me he was meeting his dad and I could see the excitement on his face. After a few minutes someone pointed up to a silhouette up on the roof and I whipped around to look at it. I must have dropped my phone out of purse but the next thing i knew Marshall was laying on ground, blood gushing out of a head wound and his father was screaming for someone to call 911.

Six hours later he woke up for a few seconds, his dad quickly ran to his side and Lamar and I were not far behind. The doctor came to the room soon after but was too late. He had closed his eyes and fell back into a deep sleep.

Blog #8: Memories

It was a month after the miscarriage. I had finally recovered from the initial pan and even feeling somewhat relieved. I was young and still trying to figure out how to take care of myself and I didnt need to have a whole other human depending on me. If one good thing came out of the whole thing it was the talks I had with my parents. Shortly after the day I had kicked out my mother and left and angry voicemail for my father they had both come down to visit me, each in a hotel room. We ended up having a great weekend of reminiscing and recovering from the past. There were minimal fight and lots of laughs. The night they left I finally felt like I had family again. A way I hadn't felt since those days with Marshall and Owen back in highschool.

One Particular night I couldn't stop thinking about them, specifically Marshall. I had been stuck inside all day because of the snow storm and was finally getting ready for bed. I was remembering sitting at Alice’s with Marshall, owen was at work or something, and we were talking about his mom. She had died a few days before and Marshall wanted to just talk about her. As we walked home he told me he loved me. Me, being 16 and overwhelmed by the idea of losing a parent, told him I loved him back. We stayed together for 2 year, until I left for college. Everything was good, not great. He was caring and sweet and I truly did love him but when I left I knew we had to end it. He would say it ended badly, lots of crying and angry words, but I never thought of him poorly.

As I thought of the past I dozed off. When I woke up the next morning it felt like I had slept for a week. Feeling well rested, and somewhat renewed, I got ready for work.

Blog #7: Wrath

I woke up early, the clock read 6:30. I instinctively rubbed my stomach, my 6 month bump was finally enough to force me into maternity clothes. I pulled on my robe and snuck pass my mother snoring on the pull out couch. I headed up to the roof to watch the sunrise. The breeze was cool but comfortable. I saw Victor and Jack up there too. I waved and then headed to my own corner. I wanted to feel peaceful as I watch the sun come up and the light of the new day refreshed my spirit. I expected a calming feeling to come over me and the stress to fade away as I thought of leaving my mom at the airport later that day. Instead I felt a hot rage. I was angry. Angry at my mother for her incessant pleading and hurtful comments. I was angry at Willis for coming to visit me when I had asked him not to and even more angry that I had let anything happen with him. As I made breakfast my mother started her daily interrogation.

“When will you tell me why you won't tell Willis?” she pleaded

“Why does it matter?” I hissed.

“It matters because he should be a part of the child's life and that means a part of mine.”

“This isn't about you. This is about me and this baby. At this point I don't want you anywhere near him. I don't want you anywhere near me. I want you to leave. Now. Call a cab to the airport. I don't care, just leave.” She stood there staring at the spatula I had been swinging around and my eggs burning in the pan. Without a word she turned around, grabbed her bags, and left.

I pulled out my phone and text my dad.

“If you have time in your super busy schedule, call your daughter. I’m pregnant. It's a boy. I know with all of Sue’s doctors appointments this doesn’t seem like a priority but I'd like to see you. Maybe I’ll hear from you, who knows?”

Blog #6: The Sunday Comics

I stared out the window at the fog that obstructed my view of the town. It looked like how I imagined my brain did.

“I’m pregnant.” The line went silent. For a few seconds I could hear my heart beating. The fog appeared to be thickening. I could barely make out the west tower of the Maitland 30 feet away.

“Who’s the father?” Typical. She never thought about me, only the ways in which I could embarrass her. I knew she wanted to make sure that no one indecent would be attached to the family.

“I’m four and a half months along, the baby is healthy! I am finding out the gender next week. I’m hoping for a girl but I would really be happy with a boy too.” My best attempt at changing the subject. I opened my window, hoping the fresh ai would calm my nerves.

“Bess, who is it?” The apartment began to be filled with the cloudy air.

“Willis, mom. I’m sorry.” She hung up. I knew she would, she always acts like a child when she’s unhappy. At least she knew, as she was leaving to come see me the next day.

I decided to distract myself by reading the newspaper. I flipped right to page 6. Reading the comics had always been the highlight of my Sundays. I started to read Zits and realized I had seen this one before. I knew I had because I remember bringing it to school to show Marshal and Owen in our first period music class with Ms.Chaker. I had just begun to make friends after moving here over the Christmas of 2012. I was 14 and terrified. Marshal and Owen were the first people to introduce themselves to me. They were both older, a junior and senior respectively. Our friendship was unbreakable for the next four years. They both graduated but stuck around, I would skip school ot get lunch with them, we would meet at Alice’s for midnight snacks, they would pretend to be my dad to check me out of school. Very Ferris Bueller's Day Off. When I left for college, and my dad moved back to Texas, we lost touch. The Zits comic brought all of those feels of love back to me. I had seen Owen and Marshal around, sometimes we would smile at each other but most of the time we would treat each other like strangers, reminders of our past we would do anything to ignore.

I snapped out of my thoughts and noticed I was surrounded by fog. I slammed the window shut and turned on the fan, tripping over my coffee table on the way.

Blog #5: "It will all work out, Bessy."

I’ve never been superstitious, never been scared of black cats or broken mirrors, but that night something came over me. I was still reeling from my visit to the doctors. I couldn't wrap my head around the new life growing inside of me, let alone it had been there for three months. Pregnant. The word seemed to have little meaning after the 100th time I had said it that day. When I saw the shooting star I decide to make a wish because it seemed like that was all I could do. I wished for peace. Not for me necessarily, but for the town. Maybe it was me projecting onto other the way I felt with myself. I was angry that I had gotten drunk that night, potentially harming my baby. But most of all I was angry that I had no control over my life, a fact I was slowly realizing. The wish was my pitiful way of denying that.

I was growing more and more anxious to find out my test results. My carelessness the day of Mr. Evans funeral could result in a lifetime of struggles for my unborn child. I should have known I was pregnant. I was months late and my usual bloating had been drawn out. For reasons I was trying to forget, I had denied the obvious.

As soon as I found out, I went to Alice’s. She had been my surrogate mother since I had moved to East Maitland and I knew she would have the best advice. “It will all work out, Bessy.” She said, soothingly. I hoped she was right.

I had finally worked up the courage to call my mother. I knew I had to tell her soon, she was coming to visit in a 2 months and my bump was getting harder and harder to hide. She knew something was wrong the second she picked up the phone.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Is it that guy?”

“Mom, its okay, I’m fine. I’m excited to see you!”

“Me too sweetie. What’s wrong?”

"Nothing mom, I'm really okay. I'll talk to you later." I hung up.

Blog #4: The Morning After

Mr. Evans funeral was exactly what I guessed it would be. The entire town showed up to pay their respects but the over all tone was of suspicious. Every look I received was one of  a person who thought I had played some part in Mr. Evans death. After the funeral I felt like I needed a drink. I strolled over to Platinum Time and sat down at the bar. Christopher Breaux was bar tending and walked over as I took my seat.

"Have you ever had the police on your ass?" I muttered

"Only once" He replied, not making eye contact, pouring a shot as he said it.

"Then you know what this is like." I took the shot. Then, I took three more and talked with Christopher, mostly small talk. I don't remember much after that expect the dull glow coming from underneath Mr. Evans apartment door as I came home.

The next morning I woke up feeling horribly nauseous. I grabbed a cup of coffee, made some avocado toast, and stood in the window watching the community garden, giving every attempts now to puke my guts out right there. Ignoring my impending sickness, I walked to the front door to grab my newspaper. As I bend down to get it I knew I had made a mistake. I ran to the bathroom and stayed there for the reminder of the morning.

I had chalked it up to the heavy drinking of the night before but when I woke up the next morning feeling just as bad, I decided I had a stomach bug. Going to the doctor seemed unnecessary so I stayed home and rested for the weekend. That Sunday I got a call from Willis. He was high school boyfriend who I had seen at home a month and a half earlier, right before Mr. Evans was killed. I told him I couldn't talk then and promised to call him the next day, after I went to the doctor. He said it was important and to make sure I remembered to call. I promised I would and hung up the phone, returning to the bathroom floor.

Blog #3: Alice's 24 hour Diner

I was worried when Lamar showed up at my door. Everyone knew he had been acting strange since Mr. Evans died. I opened the door he said something I can't quite remember, and next thing I knew I was stepping into Alice's.

"Hey Bessy!" Alice chirped, "How are ya, honey?"

"Just fine, Alice. Can I get a coffee?"

This was the first time in months I had been there on my day off. Shifts at Alice's lasted at least 8 hours so whenever I had free time I wouldn't go near the place. I felt slightly guilty asking Alice for coffee when I knew where the old, foam green coffee pot sat behind the bar, but I couldn't bring myself to move from the table.

"You know why you're all here." Lamar grunted, snapping me out of my daze. "Lets not make this any harder than it needs to be, everybody go around and tells us what you know about Mr. Evans."

Alice set my coffee down in front of me with a sympathetic smile

The crowded table went silent. We all looked around, not wanting to be the first to go. Eventually someone spoke up, giving what seemed to me like a needless piece of information. I didn't really listen to what everyone had to say, I was just trying to work out how I got involved with Mr. Evan in the first place. Finally, it was my turn.

"Whatcha got for us?" Lamar asked, his tone seemed softer than before.

"I have his diary." My voice cracked

"I have his diary." I said again, more clearly. That got everyones attention.

"And how did you get that?" Suzy Kemp questioned from two tables down. Everyone turned to look at her. She had been sitting there the whole time, attempted to subtly listen in on our conversation. She was failing miserably.

"That is none of your business." Lamar glared at here.

"He gave it to me. I haven't read it and I don't intend to unless it become absolutely necessary." I quickly retorted.

I knew by the look one everyones face I had made them upset. I dreaded the following questions. Before I had time to think I was already out the door. I thought I heard someone call after me, but I was long gone.